….is this the one that kills him ?

….timing is every thing. The very second his limbs lock out, the loud gasp of air involuntarily forces its way into his lungs or he flies backwards as though struck by an invisible hand with a force that looks far too powerfull to ever be experienced by an eight year old boy, the timer starts. The form an epileptic seizure can take varies, although these precursors seem to be the most prevalent. Each instance is recorded, as are the type, duration and any other detail that may provide some clue as to why now, what triggered it. Ultimately its about control however, or rather the feint illusion of control. In the absence of meaningful drug control, this tiny act is all we have to somehow build a defence, the colourful graphs, charts and long strings of seemingly abstract numbers generated from this are dutifully presented to a doctor who in turn glances over them and considers the side effects of yet another anti-epilepsy drug. Their placating words and a beneficent smile do little to mask the fact that the current generation of potent “A.E.D’s” not only do little for our son, but bring with them a raft of side effects only marginally better than the condition they are designed to treat. Reports of Cannabis based drugs seep through the public consciousness, drip fed via inumerable news reports and social media, the supposed messiah of “A.E.D’s” – equally etherial, and requiring faith in a gorverment to permit its use, whos face appears familiarly beneficent , words equally placating, and in whom control seems equally illusory. The same question is faught back every time he has a seizure…please dont let this be the one.

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